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WHY I HATE THE MSM

Vacation Was Great, Man!

PURPLE THUNDAH SPEAKS:

Why the fuck can't a media outlet report things fairly and very biased towards a reasonable morality and common sense?

It really irks me that the media is touting that Bush is "Returning to Washington because of the Hurricane". Hey, this guy is cutting a 35 day vacation short by two fucking days. Let's not start rallying around his selfless return without stating that fact in a headline. These headlines sound dangerously close to propaganda.

How people who have to work for a living every day can still support this bullshit is beyond me. These must be the same idiots who believe you can win a war on terrorism. You can't beat an "ism". It's an idea, not a physically fallible item. Is anyone planning on bringing this up?

This is why I'm afraid to leave my house. I'm concerned I'm going to run into someone, anyone, who whose sensibilities are in line with the MSM. This country's underpinnings have gone to shit.

Welcome to Rome.

August 31, 2005 in Walking Spanish | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBack

IT'S PAT!

Jesus' Tool

RUBBERNECK SPEAKS:

C'mon....how can ya not love this guy?

If any one else called for the State Department to be nuked, or for the U.S. to start assassinating world leaders, there'd be tsk-tsking of the highest order and a public discussion of the "patriotism" of the person behind the quote. Paula Zahn would frown moralistically while showing us her "semi-hot newscaster's hint of cleavage," FoxNews would give us a screen full of talking heads denouncing this as "the typical shrill stupidity of the drug-induced liberal perspective."

But making these comments in the name of Jesus? A free pass.

Eat My 700 Club,
Neck

August 28, 2005 in Current Affairs | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack

THE LATEST TRILOGY

Five-O

RUBBERNECK SPEAKS:

Please file these under "Gramps: Living the Dream of the Hippy/Destructor from COCK MARCH I" at your leisure:

Pineapple-fistin':
He Pokes In The Coconuts...
Sweet Poi Hoi Polloi.

Brownbooty Baggin,
Loamy Soil, meet Irish Rake --
My Kinda Porno.

O, Dr. Moreau!
Feared and Loved by the locals:
Big Papi Honkee.

August 16, 2005 in Haiku | Permalink | Comments (34) | TrackBack

ROUND TABLE: MASTODON COCK

The Captain

[The Hall’s normal discourse of socio-economic-politico fervor is pushed aside as Love himself materializes in full view - a rare occurence to say the least:]

LOVE: Before there was rubber, there was stone.

POPE FU: ...and complacents were not merely smacked, they were pummeled.

NECK: "The 20cm-long, 3cm-wide stone object...its life size suggests it may well have been used as a sex aid by its Ice Age makers..." That's 7.8 inches. Thus, it seems that Captain Caveman carried a second club under his hairsuit. Fuck...28,000 years of evolution and here I am, the product of that evolving - stuck with half a cock and soaring medical insurance costs. Thanks, Darwin, you miserable bitch.

POPE FU: Then again, Neck,it was a sex "aid" - which means that it could've been built to the ladies' specifications, and not to real-life scale, y'know?

NECK: Sweet crap, I hope so. If half-a-glans under 8 inches was average "life-size" 28,000 years ago, either as a species we've lost significant penile mass, or I'm penetically inferior, in a major way, to entire epochs of geologic history.

POPE FU: Or the ladies were gettin' some mastodon cock on the side, and just wanted something a little more sanitary.

BTW, I believe that's the first use of the word "penetically" since the March-with-a-Bunch-of-Morons Era.

[End of transcript]

August 15, 2005 in Round Table | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

ALL HAIL A NEW WORTHY, VOL. 181

TEZ SPEAKS:

I mean, we could try to come up with something as funny and well executed as this but why bother? Venganza has already done it so well - let's simply move it forward.

I see faith healings. I see televangelism. I see a new musical genre called NoodleRock. I see fashion trends, haircuts and yellow plastic braclets. Celebrities will flee Scientology and Kabbalah to fork up some Noodle in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I see music videos. I see cereal branding. I see beat poetry. I see fusion cooking. I see websites, DVDs and yet to be manufactured forms of electronic media.

I see the future - it's what we do best.

August 15, 2005 in New Worthies | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

FORWARD OF THE DAY

NEWEST HEAVIEST ELEMENT - GOVERNMENTIUM

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium." Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypocritical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." You will know it when you see it. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy since it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons.

August 9, 2005 in Forward of the Day | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack

THE LATEST TRILOGY

M2K5


There Goes the Neighborhood

TEZ SPEAKS:

e. coli tounge bath
blow it out your skmo-hole
eskimo kisses

RUBBERNECK'S RETORT:

Spelunk the Mongol.
Rectal ridges scoured clean,
M2K5-style.

GRAMPA SLIDES HOME:

Little furry hat
battle axe ass insertion
seven meat chili

August 9, 2005 in Haiku | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack