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T

A Mohawk Without Pity [Grampa strides to the podium to pass along a random fact about Mr. T]

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool."

[Inspired, The Finn flashes a quicklink up on the jumbotron, prompting the Wook to sigh in relief]

WOOK: About fuckin' time. To think Tori Spelling got a crack at reality rejuvenation before the T...embarrassing...

THE FINN: Seriously. I pity the network that didn't think this would fly!

[With inspiration flowing in the Hall, Lovely Man begins enacting consumate showmanship]

CONTESTANT: Dear Mr. T - I am a fully grown adult who continues to desparately crave the attention of others. In addition, I fear their reprisals so I intentionally create a persona that they are forced to either blindly accept or outright deny. This prevents me from ever having to show any real substance or character, thus insulating my fragile ego from the imagined judging of others I fear so much. Finally, in recent years I have fading from the consciousness of my peer group, and so I have been taking radical measures to regain their interest, including devaluing myself by engaging in activities that heretofor I would've considered beneath me. What should I do to correct this deep and potentially fatal character flaw?

MR. T: I don't see the problem.

May 8, 2006 in Pop Culture | Permalink

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