The Lunatic Fringe

T

[Grampa strides to the podium to pass along a random fact about Mr. T] Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone, Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool, Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool." [Inspired, The Finn flashes a quicklink up on the jumbotron, prompting the Wook to sigh in relief] WOOK: About fuckin' time. To think Tori Spelling got a crack at reality rejuvenation before the T...embarrassing... THE FINN: Seriously. I pity the network that didn't think this would fly! [With inspiration flowing in the Hall, Lovely Man begins enacting consumate showmanship] CONTESTANT: Dear Mr. T - I am a fully grown adult who continues to desparately crave the attention of others. In addition, I fear their reprisals so I intentionally create a persona that they are forced to either blindly accept or outright deny. This prevents me from ever having to show any real substance or character, thus insulating my fragile ego from the imagined judging of others I fear so much. Finally, in recent years I have fading from the consciousness of my peer group, and so I have been taking radical measures to regain their interest, including devaluing myself by engaging in activities that heretofor I would've considered beneath me. What should I do to correct this deep and potentially fatal character flaw? MR. T: I don't see the problem.

LADIES & GENTLEMAN - THE FAT PITCH

LOVELY MAN COMES CORRECT:

You can't serve it up and better than this -

GUYS AND BALLS
Ecki is a young man who works in a bakery in Dortmund and plays soccer on his local team. Already under pressure for playing badly, his homophobic team-members find out that he is gay and throw him off the team. With the help of his sister and a cranky former soccer star, he tries to form an all-gay football team to challenge his old team in a grudge match.

AND THEY CALL HIM MISTACHUCK

THE LOVELY MAN SPEAKS: Okay, sometimes the server crashes and you have to reload. Sometimes the "fact" is lame. But man, some are incredible. Be sure to click the link to the Top 100 facts. The first is priceless. Lord, I can still hear his heartstopping speech from 1978's Good Guys Wear Black. Remember for a moment... And so as history slowly places it into some kind of perspective, a few things about the Vietnam War have become clear. It was a war that never should have begun, and a country we never should have entered. And as such, thousands of victims died without really understanding why, mainly because the reasons for the war were beyond any rules of logic. On Wednesday we'll sing patriotic songs and pretend I said none of the above. A true badass...and so far ahead of his time.

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

THE WOOK SPEAKS:

I can honestly say that I've never watched Fox's Trading Spouses, and thanks to this link from Love, I can honestly say I'm sorry that I don't. Live in a red state that is.

LOVELY & HIS TIVO

THE LOVELY MAN SPEAKS: I'm still hoping this show, like many shows, will introduce a ridiculous plot twist or new wacky character to try to keep the viewers' attention: Flunky: Madam President, your budget plan is stalled in Congress, there are two natural disasters being mishandled by your appointees, foreign insurgents have just taken over Afghanistan and are now peeing on the US embassy steps, your daughter has been caught filming  a lesbian sex-tape with Paris Hilton, and your husband has just been diagnosed with a rare testicular condition which means that the seed that is quickening in your womb will actually give birth to a turtle- shaped monster hitherto unknown to any genus or phylum! What are you going to do?!? Geena Davis: Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Even a Lovely Man can dream...