PRIDE

Christ

As many well know, I am very proud of my son.

I try not to be the gushing father, as they tend to make me nauseous. But it seems that Junior has an affection for writing. He usually pens stories in his first-grade class that are at least double the length of his peers assignments...and sometimes I gush.

I give to you his last assignment, teaching chronological order. He writes of PBS' "Clifford the Big Red Dog." Emily Elizabeth is Cliff's owner. The sentence structure and positioning is an exact replica of the paper less capitalization. Pay witness:

one day Clifford came to visit me. he did bad things. first he hit me with a coconut 20 times.next he started to yell at me. last he scared my friends. i started to get mad. i started to roll him in the lake. he rolled away. it was good without him. all that's left is emily elizabeth. she was good.

Eternally pissed,
Jesus Yow Christ

June 28, 2005 in Sermon w/Reds | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

I AIN'T BUYIN' IT

Christ

There is no way Ohio voted Bush. The entire state is in an economic depression. We've got kids getting killed in two (2) Vietnams and they're fighting to keep reserve bases open! Diebold, the maker of the election machines, is a huge Bush supporter; the fight for election monitors and the amazing science of remote controls also rubs me the wrong way......but the thing that puts it over the edge is the reasoning the exit polls gave.

VALUES????? If that isn't a Cheney spin-phrase then I don't know what is. Mind you, southerners ARE stupid. which is probably the reason that northerners do so well down there. but the church fearin'-o-god in no way could have possibly influenced the brothers of Columbus or Cincinnati when $2 worf-ah-supa don't even fire-up the ol' Pontiac.

I'M CALLIN' THE CONSPIRACY...NOW.

These people already snuck the first election, a war and trillions of dollars. I'm sure this was child's play considering how they have "man-handled" the press and what they did to poor Dan Rather. Remember when the press had balls and asked questions until they were answered? And Hollywood SHOULD have a say in our elections....after all, the only way less fortunate sons can ever break into major politics is to be an actor. Reagan, Bono, Schwartzndickhead - they became beloved leaders.........even though they didn't start out as wealthy, drunken "c" student, male-cheerleaders from Texas who couldn't find oil if his head was stuck in a deep-fryer. They've fooled us before......and they did it again.

DASCHLE???....now that was just them showing off.

Eternally pissed,
Jesus Yow Christ

November 24, 2004 in Sermon w/Reds | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

THE BAPTISMAL POOL

Christ

As I sit here waiting for my new "Hot Springs" portable baptismal pool to be delivered so that I may cleanse the evilness which lurks within the bosom of mankind, I begin to think of the philosophy class which I have just attended. One inescapable thought comes to mind. Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, Hericlitus . . . MORONS!!! They constantly dealt with the question of "Why?" How did they reach such a broad subject matter? I'll tell ya why! FOLLOW THE MONEY!!!

These idiots might have had the purest intentions to try to figure out the mystery of life, death and pet-rocks, but I don't think so. First of all they produced nothing but an open vista, free for any wacked-out-on-prozac over-educated shut-in to argue that the world and all of it's problems don't exist. Secondly, be an educated slob, you must take these useless courses to complete your studies, all of which costs money. MONEY!!! That class costs money so that this inbred half-wit can have some sort of social contact. Books cost money because some other anal-retentive fool thought that his interpretation of the asinine "why" question might get him lucky with the publishers secretary. It goes on and on right down to the alarm clock that wakes you out of the "Anna Nicole Smith clad in vienna sausages and granola" dream.

Here's a better philosophical question. WHY CAN'T I FIND A HALF-DECENT BLOW-JOB?!?!?! That's what the real question was originally! How come these broads got three orifices and can't use a single one of them correctly?!?!?! Now there's a question worthy of thought! That is the elusive query! Within this simple observation the entire world may ponder the conclusion. I of course know the answer to this question which has plagued the world. The answer is the final synthesis to both theory and antithesis; it is both simple, sensible and has been stated by myself before . . . "why," or "why can't I find a half-decent blow-job?"

Simple.

You ain't got the money.

Eternally pissed,
Jesus Yow Christ

November 23, 2004 in Sermon w/Reds | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack