ILL

GrampaAcid

GRAMPA SPEAKS:

I am officially disillusioned.

I just heard "The Mountain Song" playing on a Coors Light commercial.

It's kind of like that Hootie/Burger King thing for me.

June 6, 2005 in The Fletcher Memorial Hall for Incurable Tyrants | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

LIVE, FROM THE HALLWAYS OF THE FLETCHER MEMORIAL HOME FOR INCURABLE TYRANTS

Oh Barry

GRAMPA SPEAKS:

Mr. Bonds - I have recently read that you are contemplating taking the entire year off baseball. Do you also intend to perhaps retire? You seem angry at the press for making such a big deal about the steroid controversy. Particularly, I love how you are demonizing the press, as if they are the true problem, while not owning up to the part that you and the rest of the juicers in baseball had to play in this whole affair.

Personally, I think that you are only talking of taking this half-year or year off of baseball so that the furor will die down and there won’t be such an outcry of “Junkie” when you break the home run record. Perhaps after a year you can come back and it won’t be so bad. The fact that you just had knee surgery, and deem to be slow in recovering is your excuse for missing time. You also complain about the press. You are 40 years old and don’t heal as fast as you did when you were younger.

I offer this alternative theory. You are 40 years old and you have lost your connection. The water is too hot to go out and score some more juice right now, because anyone you approached would sell your ass in a minute for a million bucks to the TV news. So, you are finding that recuperation without a king sized shot of Anadrol is taking longer than when you had enough testosterone swimming through your gills to sate a high school cheerleading squad. I think this can explain your salty ass mood lately too. Is Barry going through a little ‘roid induced depression because he can’t get a fix? Are your nuts looking like deficient cashews?

Be a man, go to Korea and get some of that crap they shoot into racehorses. You obviously don’t care about what the shit is doing to your body, you used to weigh a buck-oh-five. Get that racehorse shit, shoot yourself up and put your fucking game face on, mutherfucker.

The kids are counting on you.

March 24, 2005 in The Fletcher Memorial Hall for Incurable Tyrants | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

LIVE, FROM THE HALLWAYS OF THE FLETCHER MEMORIAL HOME FOR INCURABLE TYRANTS

Sciavo Quandry

GRAMPA SPEAKS:

I love this. Hopefully someone will point out that they have opened a massive door here. However, I am sure that this will be an invitaton-only party to join the culture of life. No drug addicts, blacks, Mexicans, or anyone without money and press coverage need not apply.

Oh, and for the love of God (and I say God because it is a one-syllable word that is easy to remember and everybody knows what I'm talking about) let this bitch just die. She got in this condition due to a chemical imbalance caused by an eating disorder. Chances are, if she were able to communicate, she wouldn't want that fucking sandwich anyway.

March 22, 2005 in The Fletcher Memorial Hall for Incurable Tyrants | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

R.I.P.

The Doctor

[Grampa Acid steps to the podium, a week of contemplation in his wake:]

Why, oh Mighty Christos, did the late, great Hunter S. Thompson have to die?

Where is the justice?

Why didn't he take more people out with him?

I think the fact that he did not take out at least one Republican (like G. Gordon Liddy) smacks of a vast right wing conspiracy and that, perhaps, he was killed by the Ghost of Nixon and the hand of Dubya. Your thoughts?

February 23, 2005 in The Fletcher Memorial Hall for Incurable Tyrants | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

THE NEW TRILOGY

GrampaAcid

GRAMPA SPEAKS:

4th wisdom: smoke the
moss, but don't ever oppose
that fucking golf cart

Election war cry:
Death, death to all who oppose
the big rubber COCK!

politicians scream:
"The flacid phallus of doom!
oh God! We repent."

November 23, 2004 in The Fletcher Memorial Hall for Incurable Tyrants | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBack