Senator Arlen Specter
Senator Rick Santorum
Congressman Robert Brady
President George W. Bush
House Majority Leader Tom Delay


Dear Powerful Men in Black Suits,

As a working class stiff still paying off his college loans some 9 years past his collegiate heyday (where I boasted a 2.93 GPA and nearly proved successful in running a 10-inch dildo for public office), I must commend each and every one of you for landing a well-paying job that allows for more time off than practically everyone I know. Kudos. It actually makes me reconsider my long standing avoidance of anything to do with serving the public interests. In a nutshell, it’s the same rationale I have for promoting home-schooling – the majority of my fellow Americans are morons…neighbors, congressmen and teacher’s included.

Take one Arianna Grumbine, for instance, who’s had her self-inflicted teenaged fasting ass parked outside of Woodside Hospice for the better half of last week, doling off such classic trains of thought as:

"I'm very disturbed and absolutely appalled at how [a] judge could take 24 hours to give a ruling when the United States Congress and President Bush flew in from their vacations to vote in a matter of hours.”

Now obviously Arianna doesn’t realize that the judge in question here is actually serving the public interest, and in doing so, is sworn to digest and properly administer an opinion based on fact and precedent – quite unlike the members of Congress who got all fire and brimstone over the weekend to forge a “Palm Sunday Compromise” built on the back of a shell of a woman and, perhaps more importantly, the notion of exciting that all important “pro-life base,” all the while ignoring the issues at play in such grandstanding as related to its constitutionality.

Of course, out of the three building blocks listed above, one comes equipped with a heartbeat, and a situation that we all may encounter at some point in our life if death doesn’t come quickly when the knocking begins. In reality, Terry Schiavo died years ago, leaving behind a personal hot potato that’s sadly being paraded and co-opted by knuckleheads from both sides of the fence. Now that’s sad, tragic, and a damn shame – but it’s life, and speaking of which, I’d love to know when we’re going to bend over backwards for everyone. The sick, the helpless, the poor, the homeless…and yes, even the moronic.

At the least, when you gonna do it for the kids? To witness such energy and time being expended this week in the name of one hopeless case is sad, but perhaps more so if you happen to be one of the thousands of living, breathing 12-year olds living a few degrees north of abject poverty. It may not immediately put food in their mouth or a book in their schools, but hot damn wouldn’t they feel good if you dissed a few vacation days for them?


The Wook
Philadelphia, PA

P.S. Given the opportunity, I have to ask – how do you stomach that DeLay character?

March 23, 2005 in AMEN | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack



America. Once upon a time, not too long ago, it was a land where men burdened with big aspirations, and even bigger penises, stood tall, Gary Cooperish, spotlighting the righteous. With a spotlight, the righteousness shone for miles. And it was good.

Even women got into the act. For real, and in most cases, for the better.

But this once-described "Long-Dick Style" hath shriveled amidst the darkness of 2K, and even more flaccid with the ascension of the Dubya, and his puppetmaster, he known as Dick.

Yet even in our darkest hour, known hence forth as the Era of the Micro-Penis, there remains hope, for there remains Cock.

Length-boosting surgery for 'micro-penises'

As I survey the Hall, this pristine Hall of the Most, Most Worthies, I can say with certainty that our genitals are huge, our aim true, our ideals attainable. Well...Big Business does present a dilemma, but rest assured - his forearms are fertile with flesh.

December 10, 2004 in AMEN | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack



And I quote:

"What these employees are facing is totally a microcosm of the large structural trends that are impacting employees across the economy. Employees are working more hours. They're getting compensated less. And the power of employers is increasing compared to the power of employees. Compared to other countries, U.S. workers work longer hours. Corporate profits are up, and wages are continuing to stagnate even though we're more than three years into an economic recovery."

Which is why I love the shock-and-awe in relation to sluggish holiday sales. I know it’s hard to fathom considering Our Dear Sweet Idiot’s ever-so-rosy economic outlook, but come on – ain’t it high-time that people started bending corporate America over their high-back leather chairs for some good ‘ole in-and-out by using their wallets without dry-docking their cash?

“Boycott Sal’s!”

I’ve started by making all of my holiday gifts of the tax-deductible variety – already bought in one swift, “dedicated to all ya'll” keystroke, although you don’t know how hard it was for me not to give a donation in their name to Now that would’ve been the charitably antagonistic thing to do.

Or better yet - Planned Parenthood....for them one-issue voters.

December 2, 2004 in AMEN | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack


Our Dear Sweet Idiot


I’ll give Our Dear Sweet Idiot this – the following line he sputtered forth at a photo op in Canada yesterday stands its ground as a successful attempt at being Reaganesque:

"I frankly felt like the reception we received on the way in from the airport was very warm and hospitable, and I want to thank the Canadian people who came out to wave — with all five fingers.”

Of course, it’s how Ronnie followed such a crack that revealed a comprehension of (although often not compassion for) a given situation.

Ah, the eighties, the Gipper, the good old days!

In what’s become a hallmark move for his administration, Bush’s inability to coherently address and contextualize dissent continues to reek of arrogance – fitting considering his first presidential foray north of the border is probably the easiest to swing in what will undoubtedly unfurl into a 2005 whirlwind tour of the peeved. A spoiled brat who wants to fistfuck without getting crap under his nails, Bush wants to take the walk without the talking the talk; in theory, him simply traveling outside the continental 48 speaks to a perceived need to extend reconciliation, as long as he doesn’t have to explain or acknowledge the why behind it.

Of course, perhaps he’s indeed giving long-winded speeches of explanatory goodwill that our short-winded press whores don’t have the non-ad space to cover in-depth. But I doubt it.

But I’ll give him this – his ability to dance around a question is second to none. Without any knowledge to back it up, I’d tend to theorize that the following retort came in response to a question along the lines of “But what do you have to say to those obviously stand in opposition to the policies of the last four years.”

“We just had a poll in our country where people decided that the foreign policy of the Bush administration ought to stay in place for four more years, and it's a foreign policy that works with our neighbors."

Dance, motherfucker, dance. And unfortunately, it wasn’t a poll – it was a fuckin’ election.

December 1, 2004 in AMEN | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack